Keeping It Real
My mother used to say, “If you want respect from others, especially from boys, you must first respect yourself.” My mom is a wise woman. When it comes to the topics of dignity, integrity, modesty, and respect there are many conclusions and even more beliefs. Culture has “seduced” many women into abandoning their moral values and thus sucked them into spiritual and moral depravity. Interestingly, because of their lack of dignity, the respect that they seek escapes them. Their attempt at wholeness leaves them empty. Actor, Michael J. Foxx once said, “One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.” Surrendering one’s dignity is often a choice.
Dr. Rosalie de Rosset, and her team of guest authors, attempts to clarify, in her book, Unseduced and Unshaken, what dignity is and how to obtain it. It is a call for all women to examine their personal ideals and deliberately choose a life of Biblical “dignity.” In her response to this book, Jill Briscoe writes, “Our goal should be to be women known for spiritual depth and Biblical substance” (web). Dr. de Rosset and her fellow contributors challenge women to allow “theology to inform our choices.” As thinkers and humans, we should never stop wrestling with issues of truth that go beyond gender; and we should always be “driven by truth not desire.”
Obtaining truth is a matter of knowing God personally and “developing intellect” (76). Often we allow our emotions to get in our way, dictating our actions. If we are run-a-muck emotional messes no one will take us seriously. Our dignity will be in jeopardy. We must become intellectual truth seekers who fully embrace God’s calling on our lives.
The flip-side to this is, of course, risking being called “too strong,” “bossy,” or “emasculating.” Most definitely I have been called both “strong” and “bossy.” I suppose that is why Pam MacRae’s chapter on “Finding Your Voice” resonates with me. She writes, “Voice is not solely offered through one’s words, but also through one’s presence and a willing engagement of the whole self” (37). I love that!
Throughout my life I have been told to temper my voice. This used to confuse me because as far as I was concerned I was tempering my voice. If they only knew what I really wanted to say! It took years to discover that my “honesty,” while truthful, was often harsh. The “tempering” I needed to adjust was in my sharpness. I had a deep-seeded anger within me. The Bible reminds us that “out of the overflow of the mouth the heart speaks.” Yes it does; if the heart is full of anger, then anger is what comes out no matter how honest it is.
After getting real with myself, I discovered that I could be honest without being angry. It took years to heal from the abuse I endured; but once I allowed God to heal my broken heart, I finally experienced true peace and forgiveness. I chose to forgive those who had abandoned me and abused me. Because of my “theology” of who Christ is, I know who I am. Thus, I have chosen the better path.
As the old cliché says, “for every action there is a reaction,” the same can be said about our choices. Life is full of choices; therefore, our “choices matter.” I have always told my children that their choices, whether good or bad, will always have consequences. However, I have never thought of it in the way that Dr. de Rosset puts it, “your choices make your destiny” (96). That’s simply stated yet brilliant. The whole of our lives are made up of choices, some big but most are the culmination of small choices, or better stated by Alice Matthews, “Behind our little decisions often lurk big decisions” (89).
The crux of this book as I see it is “choice,” with the most important choice of all being the decision to choose whether we will live a life that is divided or whole. A life divided leads to a “poor mind” and a “barren heart” (96). Choosing the path of dignity is the choice of remaining fully intact as women. In the book of Philippians the apostle Paul reminds us to remain single-minded. This single-mindedness, or intactness, includes “obtaining theological thinking, moral resolution, self-possession, and courage” (96). This is the kind of woman I choose to be. This is the kind of woman I desire my daughters to be. This is the kind of woman I would imagine all women would like to be.
But to be fully whole is to choose Christ first. It is only through Him and His redemption that we will even begin to scratch the surface of what it means to be whole. It is His wholeness that makes us women…dignified and complete. It is He who sets us free to be the humans he called us to be. Women He created in His glorious image.
