Keeping it Real
“But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.”
(Matthew 15:18 ESV)
What comes out of me reflects what’s in me.
What comes out of me reflects what’s in me.
Again. What comes out of me reflects what’s in me.
Pastor Andy Stanley of North Point Church in Atlanta says, “Holy behavior requires a healthy heart.” How is your heart? Are you in need of a check-up?
Our Scripture tells us that what comes out of the mouth is an overflow of what is in the heart. If you would like to change what comes out of you, you must allow the Holy Spirit to change that which is in you – your heart!
Most of us have a pretty good handle on guarding what comes out of our mouths; at least to the outside world. However, no matter how much we try to guard what we say, it eventually comes out in our words and behavior, and those closest to us most certainly feel the wrath. That being said, the condition of our heart will absolutely dictate the direction our marriage and relationships.
As wives and mothers and even daughters and friends, we have more influence over those we are closest to than we know. Whether we believe it or not, when we influence others we do so with our heart. The condition of your heart determines the condition of your influence.
So where do we begin? First we must understand the four factors that determine the health of our heart. Andy Stanley refers to them as, “Four Issues to Heart Issues.” They are as follows:
GUILT, ANGER, GREED, AND JEALOUSY
Guilt says, “I owe you. I did something to you and I owe you something that I do not want to pay. I have done something wrong and I do not want to fess up, so I hide my heart from you.” Guilt builds walls, creating distance. Guilt affects intimacy and never allows room for deep relationships.
Anger says, “You owe me. You hurt me, taken from me, robbed me, cheated me, ruined my marriage, ruined my job…etc. I’m going to remain bound up in a knot until you pay up.” Anger is probably the most common heart issue. It is difficult to have a relationship with an angry person. Anger destroys relationships. Anger builds resentment and bitterness. Pent up anger never allows wounds to heal because we are constantly picking at the scab of betrayal.
Greed says, “I owe me. What’s mine is mine and a part of what’s yours should be mine.” Most people would never admit to being greedy. They justify their greed by saying, “I’m careful with my money.” Dutiful Christians go as far as saying, “I am being a good steward.” In relationships greed translates into, “You are important but not as important as my stuff.” Greed makes others feel as if they are constantly competing with a job, house, car, and bank accounts. Greed breeds materialism and we know where that gets us right? (See last month’s article “Whose Slave Are You”)
Jealousy says, “God owes me. You have a better house, car, husband, children, body, etc. than me and if God was all good He would give me those things also. God owes me!” What this actually boils down to is not being satisfied with what God has given you or done in your life. Jealousy breeds insecurity and sets you up to never be satisfied with who you are or your life.
Now what? What is the prescription for a healthy heart? Begin by requesting, “God change my heart!” Now there should be a disclaimer here warning you that this will most likely not be an easy or painless process. However, if you would like to see your heart and life transformed it is a necessary process.
Pastor Stanley lists “Four Habits to a Healthy Heart.” Here you go:
Guilt: Confess! Apologize! It is that simple and that effective. The way to rid yourself of guilt is to confess and apologize. While it is never easy it is the only way to escape the bondage of guilt.
Anger: Forgive! Here is the deal; you must decide what it is that the person owes you and then CANCEL THE DEBT! LET IT GO! You decide, “They don’t owe me any longer.” Difficult? Yes! Painful? Most likely. Necessary? Absolutely! To rid yourself of anger you must forgive! Forgiveness is exercised grace at its finest.
Greed: Give! Giving breaks the power of greed. You may not feel cheerful about your giving, but the good news is that while God said He loves a cheerful giver, He did not say He required it. Start giving! Giving breaks the power of greed in your heart. When you start giving your heart follows.
Jealousy: Celebrate! When someone gets something you would desire congratulate them! Begin to celebrate others victories. Compliment that pretty, thin, intelligent, rich person you’ve secretly hated and throw them a compliment. Painful? Possibly! Necessary? Definitely!
With all of this said, some of you may be wondering what your heart issue might be? If so, the best way to find out is ask someone close to you. They know because they get the overflow of it every single day. It may be a mystery to you, but it is not a mystery to them. (Of course, you may only ask if you commit to remaining anger free! Remember, you are seeking a healthy heart!)
So how’s your heart? Any secrets? Angry? Everything in your heart good? Jealous? Jesus says, “I have a solution: Confess, forgive, give, and celebrate!”
After tucking yourself into bed tonight ask yourself these four questions, “Am I keeping any secrets? Am I angry with anyone? Is there someone I can bless? Who am I jealous of?” By doing so, you will be doing yourself a tremendous favor. Your heart will begin to be restored and so will your life! I promise!
